Read by Provie Musso at Susan's Memorial service on Sat. 3/10/2007
Susan Methvin
LOVE THAT MAN JESUS
Jesus and I in a blue jeep. His hair
strokes the wind. Long hair. White teeth.
Sex incarnate. Let's say we're speeding
down a hill in Pittsburgh, PA. Sandal to the floor,
we're flying and Jesus laughs. It's all
right, Girl, you're with me.
The neighbors think he's on drugs. My husband
is at Joe Bravo's filing for divorce. But Jesus
how can I say no when you're so gentle?
Jesus in my living room smoking
a cheroot. Jesus in blue denim stands at my stove
stirring lentil soup. Jesus in my bedroom
healing hands upon my sides.
Jesus calling from a phone booth in Cleveland,
Tennessee. He's transubstantiated live
at The Holy Angels Church. He says, Girl,
you should have seen their faces when I did
the two step down those marble stairs and sang
how love beats incense and claret wine.
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About 3 years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital. I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell. I imagine I was going through some sort of metamorphosis [mental, physical & spiritual]. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis, up until this point in time. I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staff was very supportive [I had no control over my process]. I was released from hospital 16th September 1994, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame]. No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified]. I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins. Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.” I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing. I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities. John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically. He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages [England & Australia]. God LOVES me so much. Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17].
Peace Be With You
Micky
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